"I know you can't reach the pedals. That's why you're only going downhill."

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She'd Soon Be Known as Two-Finger Sue

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You Know It's a Wild Show When the Baby Raffle Gets Third Billing

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Just a Little Light Reading Before Bed

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"Nobody likes a tattle-tale, Janet."

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This Looks Safe...

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Whatever You Do, Don't Take the Kids After 3:25

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"You mean it's menthol?!?!"

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Before You Physically Assault Your Child, Make Sure You Have Insurance

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Alice's Adventures in the Abandoned Dry Well

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"What big tears you have!"

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Some Acting Gigs Aren't Worth the Exposure

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"I said SILENT Night."

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Twofer: Promoting Child Abandonment AND Thinly-Veiled Racism

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Orphans Preferred

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"I'll call 911, but first let me take a few pics..."

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"Don't tell Mom about the skull fracture."

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"Homemade" and "Diving Suits" Are Two Phrases That Shouldn't Go Together

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"Go over there and stand next to Rabies..."

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Sometimes a Hat Is Worth Certain Death

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